For Adults

• Know where your child is receiving their information
• Know what health messages your teen is learning and if they are medically accurate and factual
• Research for yourself what you think they wants to know so you can be prepared to answer their questions 

• It’s never too early to start having these conversations
• Have age-appropriate conversations about the developing human body early in life and continue through different life experiences
• As they grow older, inform them about safe sex practices to prevent unplanned pregnancy and STIs.

• Have open communication with the young people in your life. Let them know they can come to you with any problems they are facing, whether it’s about their relationships, sexual health, or their sexual preferences 
• Do not be judgmental when they are being honest with you about themselves, you want them to trust you and come to you with any problems they are facing
• It’s okay if you don’t know all the answers yet. You both can research to find out the correct information 

• Respect young people’s views and beliefs by listening. Share your own throughout these conversations.
• Reassure young people there is no bad question and you are glad they came to you to talk.

• Initiate the discussion – Finding the right time and place is essential—without phones, siblings, or other distractions. Talking while walking the dog, cooking, or riding in the car can feel less threatening.
• Find and use teachable moments – Look out for TV shows, movies, podcasts, songs, or news articles that can springboard conversations about consent, healthy relationships, decision-making, and sex. Use the music of the moment by asking your child an open-ended question like: “What do you already know about…?”; “What have you heard about…?”; “What do you think about…?”; “What do your friends think about…?”
• Empathize with your young person – It feels uncomfortable to talk about sex—for parents/ guardians and teens. Being honest about your feelings and using empathy creates a safe and supportive environment that opens the door for these critical discussions.
• Listen without judgement – It is important to feel heard and not judged. Parents/guardians want to protect their teens, and teens want independence. This can cause conflict, but you are more likely to understand each other when you ask open-ended questions and listen. If your teen senses they will be teased, punished, or silenced for having questions, they may be less likely to come to you with questions or concerns in the future.
• Plan ahead – Discussing risky situations before they happen allows the opportunity to talk about motivations for risk reduction or avoidance and think through ways to stay safe. Teens are more likely to make healthy decisions when weighing risks, pros, and cons beforehand.
• Answer what’s asked, not what you think is asked – For instance, if your child asks if birth control is dangerous, ask what they have heard or already know to get more information about what they are asking. Please don’t assume they are asking because they want to use birth control.
• If you sense there’s a question behind the question… – Go ahead and carefully try to give your emotional support. Don’t close the door – there’s usually a reason why the real question wasn’t asked directly, and your child may ask later if you indicate your openness.
• Recognize what you don’t know – It is okay not to have all the answers. If your child asks a question that you don’t know the answer to, you can say, “I hear your question, and I don’t know if I have the answers right now. Let me try to find the best answer for you.” Amaze.org is a fantastic online resource for questions about sexual health. 
• Be the louder and more influential voice – Please talk with your child about what media & social media portray and what you think about it. Please encourage your children to think critically about the streaming, music, and social media they see and how to set their own limits.
• It’s okay to try again – No one always gets things right the first time. If you think you missed the mark or didn’t get across what you wanted to when talking about relationships or sexual health, it’s okay to let your child know and try again. Imperfect conversations are better than no conversations.
• Leave the door open for future discussion – This isn’t just one talk! The goal is to have lots of small conversations over time, and every conversation is an opportunity. Let your child know you are a trusted support to them, no matter what their question or concern may be.

• Don’t panic! – When young kids ask questions about sexual health, bodies, or relationships, it is common to feel uncomfortable or to attempt to avoid the subject. How we react to questions from a child can influence whether they continue to come to us in the future. When they bring questions to you, they signal that they trust you. Avoid panicking so that you can respond intentionally. 
• Initiate the discussion – Finding the right time and place is essential—without phones, siblings, or other distractions. Talking while walking the dog, cooking, or riding in the car can feel less threatening. Think about what you want to share with your child beforehand. You can practice the words you want to use before you bring up a particular subject or situation.
• Find and use teachable moments – Look out for TV shows, movies, podcasts, songs, or news articles that can springboard conversations about consent, healthy relationships, decision-making, and sex. Use the music of the moment by asking your child an open-ended question like: “What do you already know about…?”; “What have you heard about…?”; “What do you think about…?”; “What do your friends think about…?”
• Get curious (not investigative) – Now that you’ve established with your child that you appreciate their questions/thoughts, you can send curiosity back by asking questions like “What have you heard about…?” or “What do you think it means when…” This can give you a few moments to gather your thoughts and learn more about the context of their question or statement. Avoid accusatory or investigative questions that can cause a child to feel like they are being punished, attacked, or shamed. Steering away from questions that begin with “Why…” is one way to minimize this.
• Plan ahead – Discussing risky or unsafe situations before they happen allows the opportunity to talk about motivations for risk reduction or avoidance and think through ways to stay safe. Talk with your child in advance about issues they may encounter, such as bullying, peer pressure, and internet safety. Make sure your child knows who to go to at home and at school if they ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe. You can help you child practice the words they might use if they need to seek your help or help from another trusted adult.
• Answer their questions – Keep some considerations in mind, such as their age, unique personality, and the setting you’re in at the time. The information you give a six-year-old will be different from what you give a twelve-year-old. Some kids love the detail and long talks, while others lose interest quickly. Your response can be anything from simple to scientific to anecdotal. You can choose your own adventure in the way you wish to connect and support your child’s curiosity.
• Keep it simple – As adults, we sometimes overcomplicate answers to our child’s questions. Provide as much information as is needed to answer the question, but remember to keep it simple.
• Recognize what you don’t know – It is okay not to have all the answers. If your child asks a question that you don’t know the answer to, you can say, “I hear your question, and I don’t know if I have the answers right now. Let me try to find the best answer for you.” Amaze.org and Amaze Junior are fantastic online resources for questions about sexual health. 
• Be the louder and more influential voice – Talk with your child about what media & social media portray and what you think about it. Encourage your children to think critically about the streaming, music, and social media they see and how to set their own limits. Reinforce who they can talk to if they need help understanding something or to talk something through.
• It’s okay to try again – No one always gets things right the first time. If you think you missed the mark or didn’t get across what you wanted to when talking about a sensitive topic, it’s okay to let your child know and try again. Imperfect conversations are better than no conversations.
• Leave the door open for future discussion – This isn’t just one talk! The goal is to have lots of small conversations over time, and every conversation is an opportunity. Let your child know you are a trusted support to them, no matter their questions or concerns.

• Consent Conversation Starters
• Sexual Health Conversation Starters
• TeenSource.org
• TalkWithYourKids.org
• Talk With Your Kids (PDF)
• Talking With Your Teens (PDF)
• Amaze Junior: Little kids have big questions. Amaze Jr. brings parents age-appropriate sex-ed resources about talking to young children and fun videos to share with your children.
• SexPositiveFamilies.com: Melissa Carnagey’s book is a bestselling comprehensive guide that helps caregivers create the kind of bond that keeps kids safer, informed and empowered in their sexual health. The book walks you through over 150 conversation starters, reflection exercises, and activities you can implement at every age and stage on topics such as bodies, feelings, safe and unsafe touch, consent, relationships, menstruation, pleasure, online porn, gender, sex and more.
• AmplifyTulsa.org: Amplify Tulsa has a free lending library, in addition to book recommendations broken down by age range on their website. Books are a fantastic tool for talking with your child about sexual health, consent, safety, puberty, and relationships.

This is the age where children notice love, respect, safety, and trust between their parents, so it is important to role model a healthy relationship. This is also an age where children notice that they have body parts; it is important as a parent to use the correct terms when referring to your child’s body.

At this age your child’s gender identity develops so it’s important to encourage them to respect themselves and those around them. Let your child know they can come to you to talk about anything, without the fear of judgement. Teach them to know about appropriate touching and inform them on how to say “no” when there is unwanted touching. Also, at this age, children tend to wonder where babies come from, so it is important to use the correct terms when describing this to your child.

Visit our Lending Library for resources to facilitate this curiosity.

This age is when your child will become more independent with themselves and their bodies. Be sure to promote good, healthy body image and explain their bodies will begin to change over the next couple of years through puberty and what they should expect. Continue to talk about having open communication in your house and inform your child they can come to you whenever, including if they have a problem.

Visit our Lending Library for resources to facilitate this curiosity.

Expect questions about puberty as your child is noticing their bodies are changing-hair growing, how girls will react as their menstrual cycle begins to form and how they can get hygiene products. Inform your child everyone’s bodies will be different as they go through puberty and to not worry if their bodies are developing at a faster (or slower) rate than their peers. Reinforce this through this age period, teens will begin to explore their own bodies and question what will happen to their penis and vagina if they feel aroused by someone or something. Talk to them about masturbation and the do’s and don’ts.

Visit our Lending Library for resources to facilitate this curiosity.

Stress the importance of consent and contraceptive methods to prevent unintended pregnancies and protect against STIs and HIV during sexual activities. Discuss birth control options and stress the use of condoms and other barrier methods to all of your children. Encourage your child to evaluate their relationships; go over what a health vs. unhealthy relationship looks like and let them know they can come to you if they are in an abusive relationship. Ensure they know what consent is and the important of saying “no” when they are in an uncomfortable situation with their partners and respecting it if a partner is uncomfortable.

Visit our Lending Library for resources to facilitate this curiosity.

As adolescents develop and take greater responsibility for their lives, it makes sense for them to be more engaged in their own health care. Current guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend that providers begin having one-on-one time, commonly referred to as “time alone”, with young people as early as age 11.

View a helpful resource guide for one-on-one time between teens and providers here

Parents, guardians, and trusted adults play an active role in teaching young people about digital literacy. Here are some critical digital literacy skills young people can learn at home and school.

Tech Fundamentals

• Use Wait Until 8^th‘s Family Guides to help your family learn and grow together in the digital arena. Print their downloadable guides to facilitate meaningful conversations with your children about the purpose of a phone, phone fundamentals, and texting. Wait Until 8^th is adding more guides this school year on important subjects like social media.

Searching Effectively

• From researching a school report to watching the latest music video, kids need to learn how to evaluate the quality, credibility, and validity of media and give proper credit to the source.

Protecting Private Information Online

• With so many ways to share information, kids need to learn internet safety basics. Safety basics include: creating strong passwords, using privacy settings, and respecting their friends’ privacy.
  • Discuss what is appropriate to share online.
  • Talk with your young person about what to do if someone shares a photo or video with them they did not ask to receive.

Understanding Digital Footprints

• Digital media and interactions like visiting websites and clicking on links create tiny tracks. Young people need to know that whenever they create a profile, post something, or comment on something, they create a record that is viewable by others. Commonsensemedia.org is a great online resource for questions about media and digital literacy.

Social Media Threats

• Young people who make threats to schools on social media are subject to severe and potentially life-altering consequences. Regardless of the original intention of a social media post, whether it was a joke or an expression of frustration, students can face long-term suspension, arrest, and criminal charges. Parents should talk with their children about the seriousness of posting a threat and what to do if they see a threat posted by a friend or peer.

Talk to your child about sexualized content online or in the media

• Talks about sexualized media provide young people with the skills that increase their safety online and help them have a critical lens for the content they might see. What begins early, like helping them understand how to use a device or what messages to take in when watching their favorite shows, is part of building blocks leading to future conversations about sexual content online, like porn.
• Here is an example script for Elementary and Primary aged kids (ages 4-10):
  • “It’s normal to be curious about bodies. If you ever come across pictures or videos of people naked or touching each other’s genitals or private parts, this is called pornography or porn. These images are for adults, not kids. If you see things like this, you’re not in trouble. I’d like for you to turn off the device or step away from it and let me or a trusted adult know so we can help talk to you about what you’ve seen.”
• Check out this resource guide from Sex Positive Families to learn more about talking with your child about media literacy.
• Young people need to know that sharing sexualized images and videos of themselves or others is not okay and can result in consequences at home, at school, and even from law enforcement.

• Consider what device and when you allow your child to access it. The Wait Until 8^th campaign works to empower parents to say yes to waiting until 8^th grade to give their child a smartphone. They also provide a list of alternative communication devices that can be more helpful for the needs of elementary-aged students and information about the importance of delaying and minimizing smartphone access for younger children.

• Work to ensure you’ve adequately set up devices to guard against harmful apps and defend your devices. The Wait Until 8^th campaign has an entire database of guides separated by the device. Click here to learn more.

• If your child already has a smartphone or uses other devices with internet access, there are ways to protect your child from unsafe content through parental controls. You can learn more about parental controls by visiting Parents’ Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls by common sense media.

Cyberbullying is bullying or harassment over devices like cellphones, computers, and tablets. Cyberbullying happens over text messages, apps, online gaming communities, and social media like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. States and schools have laws against cyberbullying. Below are ways to keep your young person safe. Visit the cyberbullying resource section hosted by stopbully.gov to learn more.

• Talk to your young person about cyberbullying
• If they have experienced cyberbullying, ask them to tell you or a trusted adult
• If your young person is being cyberbullied, tell them to:
  • Not respond or retaliate
  • Block the bully
  • Save the evidence
  • Report the cyberbullying

Sexting is sending nude or explicit images of self or others and/or explicit text messages over the phone, an app, or the internet.

It’s far too easy for kids to assume that private online communication stays private. It feels intimate, and sharing intimate details is one way we build close relationships, which is part of the developmental work of adolescence. But teens need to know that any private exchange of words or photos can also be shared with the whole school, not to mention the rest of the world.

Images have a life of their own

• Information is far less secure and more accessible in the current digital environment. For instance, your child may trust their boyfriend with a photo, but he, in turn, might trust a close friend who may think it would be fun to share them. Images may end up in the hands of many other children or adults.

Sexting could result in a criminal record

• It is illegal to distribute child pornography, and someone underage can be charged with distributing child pornography, even if they are disseminating a photo of themselves. So can anyone who shares the pictures with someone else. Remind your children they may face serious consequences. It has happened to other kids.

Dignity & privacy are worth protecting

• Remind your child that they care about how the world sees them. Sexting can take away your child’s control over their privacy, and once an image has been distributed, it is impossible to take it back. Encourage your child to refrain from sexting to ensure they remain in control of their privacy.

Think before you act

• Ask your child to think carefully about what they share with others. Sexting is one of those things that, done casually, can have very painful consequences.

Consent is the foundation for nearly every healthy relationship in life and involves giving and seeking permission to participate in activities together. Giving and seeking consent are life skills that impact every relationship, not just sexual or romantic relationships. When we seek consent before moving forward with an action, we acknowledge the other person’s rights and choices.

Parents, guardians, and trusted adults play a critical role in modeling and teaching consent skills for the children they love. Here are some tips for practicing and modeling consent skills at home:

Model consent in daily interactions by asking permission & respecting when the answer is “no”:

• “Would you like a hug?”

• “Is it okay if I tell _____ what you shared with me?”

• “Can I borrow your…?”

• “No? Okay, I respect that.”

Encourage family members and other adults to ask for consent before hugging a child

Give children choices about how to greet or say goodbye to others (“Would you like to hug, high-five, or wave goodbye to…?”)

Share with children that they are the boss of their own bodies. Practice what they can do or say if they do not want to share affection or don’t want someone to touch them.

Teach children that seeking consent isn’t just about listening for a ‘no.’ Encourage them to listen for an affirmative “yes!” and pay attention to body language and facial expressions.

Sexual consent is an agreement to participate in a particular sexual activity. Consenting and asking for consent are all about setting personal boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. Both people must agree to sex – every single time – for it to be consensual. Sexual consent must be:

• Freely Given: Consenting is a choice made without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
• Reversible: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing at any time.
• Informed: Consent is only possible when everyone has the whole story and everyone is honest. For instance, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then don’t, that’s not consent. 
• Enthusiastic: When it comes to sex, people should only do things they really want to do.
• Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like making out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to other things (like having sex).

There are laws in Oklahoma that apply to sexual consent. In Oklahoma, the age of consent is 16. Anyone younger than 16 cannot consent to sexual activity. 

Teaching young people how to give clear, confident, enthusiastic, and active consent allows them to find and use their voices and stand up for their wants, needs, and desires in all relationships.

• Ask your teen what their boundaries are related to sex and relationships. Encourage your teen to identify their values and limits.
• Practice with your teen! Help them identify ways they can seek consent from others and words they can say to set limits.
• Help your teen identify how they would handle a situation where someone is not respecting their boundaries.
• Help your teen identify ways they can seek help from trusted adults at home, at school, or within the community if they know about a sexual assault that has occurred.
• Questions you can ask your teen to start the conversation:
  • Tell me what you know about consent…
  • How do you know if someone is giving consent?
  • How would you communicate consent?
  • What would you do if something is happening that violates your boundaries?
  • What would you do if you knew someone was violating the boundaries of one of your friends?
  • What are some ways you can protect yourself?

Good news! You are already doing this step.

You don’t have to know all the answers or be an LGBTQIAA2S+ expert to understand the identity of your child. Take some time to brush up on terms you may hear when talking with them and read through tips from other parents who are experiencing similar situations about what helped them.

We love this page by healthychildren.org

Learn More

We know support sounds incredibly broad – it is. Support will look different for every LGBTQIAA2S+ person. Ultimately, this step is just making a commitment to be your child’s trusted adult and embracing them as they are. This can be shown by

• looking for warning signs which may indicate they need mental health support
• using supportive language and gestures when talking with them
• standing up for your child when they experience bullying or mistreatment
• connecting them with LGBTQIAA2S+ organizations and support if desired, especially healthcare resources if needed

You can probably guess what this step means – love and embrace your child as they are. Doing all of these things won’t be easy for every adult seeking these tips, but if you can be the trusted adult your child needs during this moment in their life, you may be their only lifeline.

It’s ok to not understand everything right now. You are doing the right thing by seeking more information and we are always here to help. We want every young person to be supported by their family and community and to have the opportunity to plan their entire future.

There is always more to learn. Here are some of our favorite resources.

• LGBTQIAA2S+ Facts for Parents and Adults
• Mental Health Warning Signs
• Coming Out: Info for Parents and Adults
• Bullying